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Keep calm

Keep calm

Following on from last time’s look at hiring a new employee, I thought we could have a little light relief and so I have looked out some sad, bad and funny firing stories that I’ve found around the web.

April Fool’s Day Prank goes very wrong
“I’d just got to work to find my boss wanted to see me. As I went to his office and sat down, he collapsed. I rushed around for help and to ring an ambulance, but before I did he jumped up to say “April Fools!” Needless to say I was relieved but also slightly annoyed so I decided I was going to get him back.

I thought very long and hard but the best I could think of was to place something in his office that would make him jump. So me and a few of my colleagues set up a trap while he was in a meeting, we made an alarm go off that would make him jump then as he got up to turn the alarm off he would walk through some fishing wire which would make a box full of mayonnaise tip upside down. It worked perfectly yet little did we know he was quite allergic to mayonnaise and had to go to the hospital, so I got fired when he came back to work.

This takes the cake

This takes the cake

Mrs Heavyweight
I was working as a driver for a limousine company. I was sent to the airport to pick up a lady who had to weigh 350-400 lbs. When I got her home to her house to drop her off, she couldn’t get the seatbelt unfastened. The more she struggled the more difficult it became. She started to panic and scream. This of course attracted a lot of her neighbours who came outside to see what was happening.

I called my boss on the radio from the car and asked him what I should do. He said do whatever it takes to get her out of the car, because you have to hurry back to the airport for another pickup. That’s all they care about is the next pickup.

So I took out my pocket knife and leaned over her to try to cut the belt off. Someone who saw this called the police. They showed up guns drawn and needless to say I had quite a time explaining. I was fired for not being able to get back for my next pickup.

Babysitting
I was babysitting and I got fired because I let a child have one cookie.

Off the ramp
I worked at an automotive shop doing oil changes and tire rotations. To do an oil change I had to drive the cars onto a narrow ramp just wide enough to drive a car on. One day I had to drive a truck onto this ramp and change the oil. As I was about to drive up the ramp, I meant to hit the break but accidently pushed the gas. I lost control of the truck and hurtled that truck right off the ramp. All this happened while the owner watched from about ten feet away. I went home after that never to work at an automotive shop again.

(That’s probably a good thing really!)

Awwwww!

Awwwww!

Night Shift
While working the night shift at a soda distribution warehouse there were about 20 of us driving around on pallet jacks filling orders for supermarkets and the like and loading them on trucks to be delivered in the morning.

One time I came around a corner and was side-swiped by one of my co-workers. My jack was loaded; his was empty so he bounced into a stack of cases of soda. The impact broke about half of the pallet load (some 400 bottles) and he was pissed. He shoved me off my jack and took a couple swings at me. Though I wasn’t hurt I wanted the jerk fired.

Unfortunately he was union and I wasn’t. I got fired for fighting on the job. When I threatened a lawsuit over it, the company paid me for the rest of the season (it was a summer job) and my supervisor wrote me a glowing letter of recommendation for any future jobs.

Screen saver
My best friend’s computers screensaver said “If you are reading this you are fired. Yes, you Tony. See me in my office ASAP”.

Interview Crashes
One of my first jobs as a supervisor was to interview candidates for an administrative assistant. We scheduled a full day of screenings. Following a very wet and rainy night, some areas of our office roof were leaking and maintenance had a couple of buckets in the hallway. Not a great first impression, but hey, it was a quaint old office building. Each applicant had to complete a battery of written tests.

As one candidate dutifully sat at a desk outside my office, I heard a “crack,” a “swoosh” and then a huge splash. The ceiling tile just above the candidate had collapsed under the weight of the rain water and drenched her. Wet but unharmed, the experience clearly dampened her spirits and her prized interview suit. She immediately informed me that she was no longer interested in the job.

Creative
A guy who forgot dark socks to wear with his suit, thought he had solved the problem by colouring in his ankles with a black felt-tip marker.

Bye bye
After a traditional face to face layoff session, my company tried a new kinder gentler approach. They called a big meeting and announced that every employee had an e-mail back on their computer that would tell them if they still had a job. I didn’t!

Just in case you weren't sure

Just in case you weren’t sure

Tomato woe
I was working in a fast food place … When making an order of 6 sandwiches, and trying to be time efficient as they train you to be, I placed the tomato directly on the meat instead of the bun for the last sandwich. I received a very abusive tongue lashing and subsequent dismissal — I had worked there for nearly 3 years

Corporate Oppression
“I once got talking to a guy whose job it was to go into a company, sit alongside the Systems Administrator for two weeks, and write a professional audit on his processes and practices.

Naturally the Systems Administrator would be on his best behaviour, showing off all the clever things he did to keep the company’s computer network ticking over.
But at the end of the two weeks, the SA would be fired. There was never any audit: this was just the method the company used to replace their IT people without disruption, making sure the new guy was trained up and the old guy didn’t cause any damage before he left.

Hip to be fired
I was fired two days after returning from having surgery on my hip. I was on crutches and the place that I was working only had steps (no ramp) to get into the front of the building. I was running late because I had difficulty getting in and out of the shower. They fired me because I was eight minutes late to work.

Communication issue? What issue?

Communication issue? What issue?

Whoops
I’d been looking for a different job for several months and after much searching I was finally offered a new position. Of course I accepted, but days after I’d given notice to my current employer, my new employer called and told me they had re-evaluated their financial situation. They were rescinding their offer!

Panicked, I tucked my tail between my legs and went looking for my current boss to tell her I wouldn’t be quitting after all. I made every effort, but she was tied up in meetings all day. The following morning, during a staff meeting she made reference to my upcoming departure. I was stuck. I had no choice but to reveal my predicament and ask for my old job back — in front of the entire office staff. She gave me two months to find a new job.

Ouch!“Yes,” I said at last, wanting to be honest, and still not overly concerned, “Anna Wilson’s my sister… why?”
Complete, utter, uncomfortable silence, before my boss pulled the car into a parking space. We were back at work.
“She was dating my husband. My married name was Shrayger.”

Fast food
The manager at a delivery joint in Australia let someone go because they decided to deliver pizzas in a stolen car.

Party!
When I worked at a nightclub one of my colleagues called in sick. He was actually going to some party instead. Could you guess where they went after the party? Yes, to our nightclub.

Prickly problem
I had to fire this kid from a gas station I worked at, after he asked me if I ever poked holes in the condoms with a push pin (as he proceeded to punch holes in condoms). I have no idea how long he was doing it for [but] he worked there for over a year.

Tell us your funny firing stories? Have you ever had to fire someone or were you the one fired? Join us on Facebook here or leave a comment for us below.

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