• shops and stores
  • individuals
  • ebayers
  • market traders

There’s been quite a bit of official tat produced in the name of Lucasarts sprawling space opera, but at least it all passed basic health and safety regulations. These imported fake Star Wars figures and bootleg toys are such crude appropriations of Phantom Menace characters that just looking at them is a trip to uncanny valley.

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

These are not the Star Wars action figures you’re looking for…”

The Phantom Menace is my favourite Star Wars film… apart from maybe all of the other episodes. 1999 was a different time though, and we were still naïve. People queued up to see the trailer in their hundreds, and boy was that trailer good- complete with blaster fire, Darth Maul’s double-bladed lightsaber, and Jar Jar Binks. What a character.
The film’s release was commemorated with a barrage of merchandise. There was a whole new generation of figures for kids to play with and grown men to collect. However, not all of it was official. Here at Wholesale Clearance we never pass on a product we deem to be below a certain quality threshold. It’s safe to say that these figures do not meet our standards.
So for your entertainment we photographed a selection of bootleg Star Wars toys from our warehouse whose names are almost as mistranslated as their moulds. From the freaky limbs of the Pod Race Droid, to Daft Serious’ vacant stare, these characters are sure to inspire a chuckle, even if the force is not with them.

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

Darth Maul, the Phantom… Menace?

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

The Emperor Darth Sidious

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

‘Anakin Skywalker, future Darth Vader’

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

Jedi Master Ki-Adi-Mundi

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

Sabé, the Handmaid who serves as a decoy for the Queen

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

No idea who this is.

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

Jedi Master Mace Windu

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

Gungan Leader Boss Nass

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

C3-PO, is that you?

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

The only one they got spot on…

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

We think… this is Gasgano the Pod Racer…?

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

B1 Battle Droid

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

Naboo Queen Padmé Amidala… with two purple dinner trays

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

Ric Olié, who is actually one of Naboo’s Pilots

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

Our personal favourite, Watto the Junk Dealer

Next we attempted to recreate some terrible scenes from the terrible film with these terrible figures:

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

What makes a harsh deal for space-parts with Fly-Gone-Gin.

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

Upright Slug agrees to aid Padme in the battle for Naboo.

Attack of the Poorly Made Clones Wholesale Clearance UK Blog

Toby-One readies himself to fight Dennis.

136 Responses to “Attack of the Poorly Made Clones”

Lord CodDecember 10th, 2015 at 9:02 pm

Could you put these on sale. Full sets if possible please. Don’t underestimate peoples desire for hilariously poor quality copies of things.

DesDecember 11th, 2015 at 2:36 am

Please put these on sale! Cover up the Star War with a removable sticker, call them Star Whats and sell them to us!

Jamie HutchinsonDecember 11th, 2015 at 9:34 am

I’m sure you would be able to sell them as fake figures, as long as you make it clear that they are fake. If you do sell them, please email me.

SarahDecember 11th, 2015 at 12:31 pm

There is a HUGE market for these, they are bloody hilarious. I would definitely look into the legality of selling them as not-for-children items given that they don’t pass safety standards. With all the publicity coming your way, it would definitely be worth investigating loopholes that would allow you to sell them as adult collectables, not safe for kids? I mean…. I really want a Little Girl.

SteveDecember 11th, 2015 at 12:37 pm

I would love to buy sets both for me and as gifts. If there is a legal issue why not donate to charity and just charge shipping. They are hilarious and I know several people who would love them!

Simon SantiagoDecember 11th, 2015 at 12:49 pm

Would you consider a trade if some sort? Or I can donate to your favorite charity in exchange for a complete set? Maybe “sell me another item” and throw in a set of these figures for free?

Scott H.December 11th, 2015 at 1:57 pm

These look like the perfect things to send to Stuart Ashen, who goes by ashens on Youtube. His specialty is reviewing knockoff and bootleg toys, and he loves these sort of things. Might be a good way to get rid of a few of them, and he’d probably give you a shoutout for it.

BazDecember 11th, 2015 at 1:59 pm

I agree, if when selling the product it is clearly noted these are not genuine and not toys, then you should make available. I would be interested in purchasing before Christmas. Please email me.

MarkDecember 11th, 2015 at 2:23 pm

I would love a set and I bet you would be allowed to sell them if you emphasised that they were not genuine. Please email if you decide you can sell them

Austin BraileyDecember 11th, 2015 at 2:50 pm

I also would like to buy a few – if you feel weird selling them perhaps you could gift them to me and I’ll make a donation to charity on your behalf?

Austin BraileyDecember 11th, 2015 at 2:52 pm

I would also like these figures. If you feel weird about selling them, you could gift them to me and I could make a gift to charity on your behalf? Particularly interested in Dennis and Daft Serious.

Aidan RileyDecember 11th, 2015 at 3:13 pm

Yes, please consider selling these – they would make excellent one-off novelty gifts for Star Wars fans this Xmas ? ? ?

Micke AkernΓ€sDecember 11th, 2015 at 5:06 pm

Got a friend named Dennis. Would SERIOUSLY love to buy one of them as a christmas gift for him. Really! He is a big Star Wars fan and would have a BIG laugh out of it!

LucyDecember 11th, 2015 at 5:52 pm

I’d really like a set too. It made me genuinely laugh snort. Upright slug and Dennis are the best names ever

SethDecember 11th, 2015 at 7:26 pm

You HAVE to find a way to sell them, even if it means writing a check to Disney. I like the idea of covering up the Star Wars name, too.

simonDecember 11th, 2015 at 9:03 pm

I agree. These are wonderful daft items. I’d love to buy a set. I especially love the one just marked ‘little girl’ genius!

Beth LloydDecember 11th, 2015 at 9:47 pm

Me and my kids laughed our heads off at this , I would genuinely like to buy two ‘Dennis’ and two ‘upright slugs’ I can PayPal you

JamesDecember 11th, 2015 at 10:44 pm

I’d really like to buy three sets please – I’m sure if you bought them, we can work out a way for others to buy them too!

AndrewDecember 11th, 2015 at 11:25 pm

Hi I know you’re probably board of people asking but I would love to buy this set for my collection , just name your price , if you’re interested let me know

AndrewDecember 12th, 2015 at 1:05 am

I would be willing to purchase a full set of these. I can pay using paypal. If interested, please email me.

David MarkhamDecember 12th, 2015 at 6:12 am

Yes, they are terrible toys. No, it’s not a terrible film. You’re an idiot. And that’s Chancellor Valorum.

jason martindaleDecember 12th, 2015 at 9:38 am

I too would love to buy a couple of toby-0nes (we have a nephew whom we call toby-one kenobi) and a couple of dennis’s!

Peter BrewDecember 12th, 2015 at 10:32 am

Absolutely, they are really amusing, I’d like to join the list of wanting a set. There must be a way to recoup your cost, how about us making a donation and you give them away? Or we sign a disclaimer? They shouldn’t be just scrapped, it’s a waste.

Mark EoffDecember 12th, 2015 at 1:08 pm

Depending on the price, I truly want to buy several full sets! These things represent everything that is good and right in the world! No kidding, contact me!

Jay FeingoldDecember 12th, 2015 at 1:38 pm

You should be able to sell these as “bootlegs.” I would be interested in a set to add to my bootleg collection. There are multiple bootleg items listed on eBay that are properly disclaimed to be such.

Jim FordDecember 12th, 2015 at 3:46 pm

I would love to buy Dennis if you figure out a way to sell them. That’s hilarious and I hope you can make money off them.

John SlegersDecember 12th, 2015 at 4:21 pm

I’m not convinced that the information presented in this article is accurate. It looks like a devious publicity stunt to me.

PaulDecember 12th, 2015 at 4:48 pm

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE find a way to put these up for sale! If the price is right, I would buy a couple of full sets to give as gifts to some of my coworkers that are almost as big of a fan as I am…and they would LOVE to have these! I would hope that if you can find a way to sell these, all of us that have made comments should get first dibs since we had to give you our email address (so you know how to contact us).

MichaelDecember 12th, 2015 at 5:33 pm

I’d like to buy two full sets, except Jar dude, he’s not funny. One set to open and one to keep unopened. If you find a way to sell them let me know. Thanks

Montague FlangeDecember 12th, 2015 at 6:53 pm

Would also love a set if possible πŸ™‚ Maybe you could ‘give ‘ them away for a donation to a charity or something.

Gale S.December 12th, 2015 at 7:56 pm

I too would be interested in buying a set, these would be amazing white elephant gifts!

Also my brother Dennis will absolutely die when he sees this.

Gale S.December 12th, 2015 at 10:32 pm

Also to clarify after reading some other comments here

-I fully understand I would not be buying Star Wars products
-These toys would not be distributed to kids, only very drunk adults

HelenDecember 13th, 2015 at 1:18 am

I’d be happy to make a donation to the charity of your choice in exchange for Dennis, Upright Slug and What πŸ™‚ I’ll pay postage too!

I think you’re right about not being able to sell these due to them being (so obviously) counterfeit products.

Mark GDecember 13th, 2015 at 11:30 am

Bootlegs have been made of Star Wars figures since the late 70s. There are specific collectors that love these kind of things. Can’t see any reason why you can’t sell them on… at least you will get some funds back. I’d be interested in a set too if they do become available.

AthenaDecember 13th, 2015 at 5:07 pm

How to “sell” items it’s illegal to sell…? Set up a GoFundMe page or some such in the name of your favorite charity and offer sets as a free perk to the highest donators. You get to unload excess bootleg figures and the karma of helping a good cause (and perhaps a tax break for the donation), the public gets what they want and otherwise could not, and the charity gets some much needed funding. Sounds pretty win-win-win to me. (Might I suggest the Nobody’s Cats Foundation?)

Sean ODecember 13th, 2015 at 6:47 pm

Please let me know if you find a way to distribute these for monitary compensation. I’d happily buy a set or two. Also, it’s my birthday so you could just give me a set as a present and in return I’ll write down your birthday and send you something equally awesome that day. :p

JillianDecember 14th, 2015 at 2:09 am

Please sell these sets! I’d also be happy to donate to the charity of your choice in exchange for these if you’re worried about copyright laws. Think of the kids!

DanielDecember 14th, 2015 at 11:33 am

I’m desperate to buy a few Dennis’s. This character personifies my uncle of the same name and I want to buy several for my relatives.

Paul SinclairDecember 14th, 2015 at 11:40 am

Definately interested in buying a FULL set of these if the price is right,and also AGREE with the above post about us lot who came aher and actively reached out to you being given first dibs at these.
Please contact me and let me know πŸ™‚

RachaelDecember 14th, 2015 at 3:09 pm

Karl, you can sell them, the law says that you can’t sell them AS a representation for the actual goods. In other words, if you say they are star wars memorabilia, then you can’t sell them. But you are saying they are bootleg products that are not actually representations of the original movie. In other words, you just have to give full disclosure.

My husband’s name is Dennis and my son’s name is Anakin. I would literally give an arm and a leg for that Dennis figurine.

Andrew simonDecember 14th, 2015 at 6:25 pm

I would love a full set of these figures for my collection ! Please contact me too !! I love em ! Must have on my wall! Thanks . Very cool for posting this article.

Chris JDecember 14th, 2015 at 11:39 pm

I would love to be able to purchase these as gag gifts even if it has to be ebay auctions for non authentic knockoffs

DamienDecember 15th, 2015 at 7:14 am

My god, any amount just name it. How much do I have to pay for these. I’m dying, I need these in my life. Please, just name a price take it all!

DawnDecember 15th, 2015 at 8:38 am

Hi, I’d love a set of these for my 21 year old Star Wars mad son….Especially upright slug, dennis and what.. Haha this post has made my day πŸ™‚

DanielDecember 15th, 2015 at 11:29 am

I dont think you can sell them but you can give them away for a donation to something πŸ˜‰ I want them too. πŸ˜€

mark LDecember 15th, 2015 at 1:15 pm

Oh yes – charity donation, sold as a knock-off, handed over in a brown paper bag no questions asked, whatever it takes – I’d love some of these ….

danDecember 16th, 2015 at 3:48 pm

I have cash waiting for these i must have a set! Sell them as novelty/humour pieces with disclaimer that they are not toys it seems like plenty of people wpuld love these

Andrea Jimenez-PonsDecember 21st, 2015 at 7:29 pm

Is there any way I can buy one of these? I showed toby-one to my dad and he lost it xD I’m gonna get him one

Tim TDecember 24th, 2015 at 8:22 am

These are so great, thanks for sharing. And, like most of the other posters, I would also be interested in some of these if you do decide to sell them. Happy holidays!

Brian M.December 27th, 2015 at 4:00 am

Please let me know if you ever decide to sell these. I have a son named Toby and would love to own one of the “TOBY-ONE” dolls. I may also be interested in purchasing an entire set.

Neil RDecember 30th, 2015 at 12:15 am

Ditto the other comments- I’d love to buy a set of these, they’re hilarious! Sure there’s a way to retail them as ‘not star wars’ let me know…

OrannisJanuary 7th, 2016 at 6:04 pm

I’d love to get a couple Dennis figures for display. The guys here at the office think they’re hilarious.

Laura AntoniouJanuary 9th, 2016 at 4:09 am

There must be a way to legally sell these. Offer them in recompense for a donation to charity? Include them “free” with a purchase of something else?

Christopher HindleyApril 7th, 2017 at 12:02 am

I remember reading this, someone posted a photo today on Facebook of your Dennis figure, it got a good laugh and then I posted the Daily Mail article which still linked to this blog entry. Good to see it is still making people laugh almost 3 years later! I would love to buy some or all of these, I would love Toby One or Dennis or even Upright Slug, I would display them proudly for everyone. πŸ˜€