{"id":858,"date":"2013-10-29T11:03:23","date_gmt":"2013-10-29T11:03:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.wholesaleclearance.co.uk\/blog\/?p=858"},"modified":"2022-01-12T11:22:44","modified_gmt":"2022-01-12T11:22:44","slug":"excuses-for-taking-a-sick-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wholesaleclearance.co.uk\/blog\/excuses-for-taking-a-sick-day\/","title":{"rendered":"Best Believable Excuses for Calling in Sick to Work"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"I'd<\/a>

I’d rather have the spoonful of sugar thanks!<\/p><\/div>I need to elicit some sympathy from you all here. I have recently been sick; in fact I am still sick. I\u2019m not usually the type that gets poorly very easily and only suffer occasional colds and sore throats. But this time I have what is apparently generically known as \u2018A Virus\u2019. I don\u2019t believe I have had a virus before. I won\u2019t bore you with the symptoms but safe to say that I have felt ill enough for a few days to watch Little House on the Prairie, CSI and ER re-runs on my TV while reclining on the sofa under my duvet, with just a pot of tea and the dog for company.<\/p>\n

\"Tall<\/a>

Tall tales of being sick!<\/p><\/div>The problem is that when you\u2019re self-employed, lying under a duvet watching TV from the 70s just doesn\u2019t cut the mustard does it? Who\u2019s paying me while I lie here feeling like poop? No-one that\u2019s who. I had to pick myself up and drag myself back to work in spite of barely being able to raise a smile or sit up straight. And oh! That light from the lap top. I\u2019ve turned into a Gremlin, \u201cBright light! Bright light!\u201d<\/p>\n

Now I\u2019ve never, EVER regretted becoming self-employed, but my thoughts turned back to the days of yon when I was \u2018gainfully\u2019 employed for a large company and would get paid for being off sick \u2013 sometimes for as long as a week in one memorable case. The trick was, of course, all about having the most feasible excuse. I\u2019ve also heard many anecdotes from colleagues and friends about phoning in sick, so I was wondering what the best excuses for calling in sick actually are. Well, you know me; I\u2019ve been doing some research\u2026<\/p>\n

The least believable excuses for calling in sick include<\/strong><\/p>\n

1.\tMy hamster died
\n2.\tMy grandmother died (particularly after you\u2019ve used it more than once)
\n3.\tI dropped a can of Branston beans on my big toe. I think it\u2019s broken.
\n4.\tMy girlfriend\/wife\/boyfriend\/husband bit me in a rather delicate place
\n5.\tI have had a hair dye disaster
\n6.\tThe dog ate my shoes
\n7.\tI\u2019ve forgotten where I parked my car
\n8.\tI\u2019m stuck in the house because the door is broken
\n9.\tMy toe is trapped in the bath tap
\n10.\tMy goldfish has had babies and I need to baby sit.<\/p>\n

You \u2013 the boss<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re running your own company you\u2019ll be very aware that any employees that call in sick are going to cost your company money. In a large company, a day or two here or there doesn\u2019t make much difference as you\u2019ll have the staff to cover the slack (whether they want to or not). Sometimes that\u2019s true in small companies too but it can be more exploitative. I have a friend who worked as an elf in a Christmas grotto last year. The grotto needed a Santa and then in order to cover the various roles within the grotto and queue management and get everyone a lunch break the grotto needed five elves. Frequently the grotto only had 3 elves and those elves worked 10 hour days without breaks. The grotto couldn\u2019t close, the company wouldn\u2019t allow it, and the elves were not recompensed for covering others\u2019 work, but that\u2019s the reality of people taking sick days.<\/p>\n

Nonetheless, absenteeism costs the UK approximately \u00a36 billion per year, and the average adult claims to have pulled a sickie around 4 times in their career. In the US \u2018mental health days\u2019 are quite popular but in the UK it\u2019s been suggested that we are much less likely to admit when we\u2019re feeling stressed and out of control. Plus British bosses and HR companies do seem to have less sympathy for stress related illnesses.<\/p>\n

Most believable excuses for pulling a sickie<\/strong><\/p>\n

1.\tVomiting bug
\n2.\tVirus
\n3.\tAbdominal pain\/period cramps
\n4.\tDiarrhoea\/ food poisoning
\n5.\tMigraine
\n6.\tBurst water pipe
\n7.\tLice
\n8.\tUrinary Tract Infection<\/p>\n

\"Yeah<\/a>

Yeah right ….<\/p><\/div>According to recent research bosses think that 50% of employees\u2019 illness excuses are lies. This figure increases in good weather. Some bosses and HR companies have been known to check social media profiles to see what their \u2018sick\u2019 employees are up to. A real giveaway that an employee is trying to pull a fast one is when someone else (a relative or friend) phones up on their behalf to report that they are taking a day off sick. That will always set alarm bells ringing. Or there are cases where people breezily phone up claiming to have flu and yet people with genuine flu will always sound at death\u2019s door and phoning in will be an absolute trial. <\/p>\n

The thing to bear in mind if you are thinking of pulling a sickie is that lying about illness in order to take a paid day off amounts to fraud. You are fraudulently coercing sick pay from your employer and many employees will leave colleagues in the lurch. If you are taking more than one sick day a month you may need to look at changing jobs as you are obviously not happy at work. Of course, if you are genuinely sick, then you are sick and there is no reason at all to feel guilty. Sick pay is a benefit that you are entitled to.<\/p>\n

\"No...<\/a>

No… I seriously passed away in the early hours of this morning …<\/p><\/div>Final advice to employees<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you absolutely have to throw a sickie, the advice is as follows<\/p>\n

\u2022\tKeep it simple.
\n\u2022\tEmbellishment suggests you are lying because liars tell the best stories
\n\u2022\tNothing dramatic. Anything that can be remembered will be a black mark against you especially when you phone in sick the next time
\n\u2022\tWhen you speak to your manager commit to coming back as quickly as possible<\/p>\n

Final advice to employers<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ask for a phone call \u2013 don\u2019t settle for a text or email.
\nIf you have high rates of sickness consider what else is going on in the company. Is morale low for some reason?<\/p>\n

And here\u2019s the funniest calling in sick excuses<\/strong><\/em>I found while I was looking for examples of calling in sick excuses on the internet.<\/p>\n

\"Your<\/a>

Your lies make me sick.<\/p><\/div>A girl at work used to call in (frequently) saying, “My cat has hairballs and I need to stay home and console it.” We used to openly mock her about it. Proof of a strong Union in our office? My manager got sick of it and called HR to complain about the employee. HR’s response? “No, no, it’s okay. We’re animal-friendly here.”
\nOne day, I had just had enough of her. I stood up, turned to my boss, and said, “I’m coughing up hairballs. I’m taking a sick day.” Without missing a beat, my boss looks up from her desk and goes, “Oh really? And what have you been licking recently…. Nope, never mind, don’t answer that.” For the next 10 minutes or so, we were both laughing so hard we were crying. Those 10 minutes were better than 8 hours off ever would have been.<\/em><\/p>\n

What excuses have you used to take a sick day? Were they genuine or fabricated? Let me know below :-)\uf04a<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I need to elicit some sympathy from you all here. I have recently been sick; in fact I am still sick. I\u2019m not usually the type that gets poorly very easily and only suffer occasional colds and sore throats. But this time I have what is apparently generically known as \u2018A Virus\u2019. I don\u2019t believe […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[40,129,373,64],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-858","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-for-fun","category-small-business","category-sme-2","category-tips"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nBest Believable Excuses for Calling in Sick to Work<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What are the most used and best excuses for calling in sick from work. 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