{"id":632,"date":"2013-05-16T15:11:14","date_gmt":"2013-05-16T15:11:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.wholesaleclearance.co.uk\/blog\/?p=632"},"modified":"2021-12-29T16:16:18","modified_gmt":"2021-12-29T16:16:18","slug":"managementspeak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wholesaleclearance.co.uk\/blog\/managementspeak\/","title":{"rendered":"15 Absurd Examples of Management Speak – Wholesale Clearance Blog"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Blue<\/a>

Blue Sky Thinking.<\/p><\/div>I was watching The Apprentice <\/strong><\/em>last night when I was reminded that I had been meaning to write this article for a while. Does anyone else find The Apprentice <\/strong><\/em>really stressful? All that anger, angst and bitchiness, and lots of people running around like headless chickens without a clue of what to do or how to interact with each other or work as a team? Thank heavens they don\u2019t want a job with me.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I digress. I caught someone using management speak on the show last night and once again I was well and truly struck by just how awful this language is. A recent article in The Telegraph <\/em>(02.05.13) suggested that this management jargon is used in two thirds of offices across the UK, and a quarter of all workers consider it a \u2018pointless irritation\u2019. Even more amusingly, an article in The Guardian <\/em>(23.04.13) described it as the \u2018strangled vocabulary of management speak\u2019, something that is actually \u2018unspeak\u2019 and is designed to \u2018deflect blame, complicate simple ideas, obscure problems and perpetuate power relations.\u2019<\/p>\n

I wonder how and why it has come about? It\u2019s clearly a load of old hogwash, spoken by people on a power trip. The \u2018Access to Plain English\u2019 campaigners would agree. They describe management speak as overused jargon that can be a barrier to good business, because people new to business don\u2019t understand what the words mean and may be uncertain or unforthcoming about doing business with people they don\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n

The thing I\u2019ve found about management speak is that it is spoken by people who sit around in meetings all day and don\u2019t actually do very much work. The focus on creativity (a phrase bandied around far too much these days) and \u2018blue sky thinking\u2019 for example, surely just means people are sat around doodling rather than doing anything productive. The people doing all the work and producing results? Well they are paid less and valued less, but they aren\u2019t trying to reinvent the wheel!<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve put together a few of the old favourites. Which is yours?<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s touch base <\/strong>\u2013 instead of simply talking to each other.<\/p>\n

To \u2018action\u2019 something <\/strong>\u2013 my pet hate. Using a noun as a verb. Just don\u2019t do it!<\/p>\n

End of play\/ close of play <\/strong>\u2013 some people like their jobs, that\u2019s fair enough. But it\u2019s not a game is it?<\/p>\n

\"This<\/a>

This is how to drill down!<\/p><\/div>Drill down <\/strong>\u2013 when you\u2019re looking at something in detail. I\u2019m sure this one was created by men who would prefer to work on an oil rig or something a little more heroic than fiddling with paperclips all day.<\/p>\n

\"And<\/a>

And this is a stake holder<\/p><\/div>Stakeholders<\/strong> \u2013 unless you\u2019re a vampire killer, why would your clients, customers, students, colleagues, suppliers and the local cub scouts become stakeholders?<\/p>\n

At the end of the day<\/strong>. How many times do people say this during a meeting? Even worse when it is the end of the day and you want to go home and someone is still rabbiting on.<\/p>\n

Revisit that <\/strong>– roughly translated means, \u2018do it again you moron!\u2019<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s talk offline <\/strong>\u2013 as in they want a face to face conversation rather than by email or Skype. <\/p>\n

Challenges <\/strong>\u2013 remember the days when you used to have problems. Problems became a negative concept regardless of whether you wanted to solve them or not. Nowadays you are only allowed \u2018challenges\u2019 and \u2018issues\u2019. Funnily enough, you can still say you are problem solver, even though most organisations no longer have any.<\/p>\n

Forward planning <\/strong>\u2013 totally ridiculous to use \u2018forward\u2019 and \u2018planning\u2019 in the same phrase. You don\u2019t backward plan, do you?<\/p>\n

110% <\/strong>– that X Factor favourite. That was 200% better than last week! It\u2019s a sad fact that most people don\u2019t seem to know that 100% is the most you can have. 100% means the whole thing. That\u2019s it. There is no more \u2026<\/p>\n

Capturing <\/strong>\u2013 we \u2018capture\u2019 data, clients, trends, stakeholders, information etc. and so on. What do we do with it once we capture it? Lock it in a tower? Hold it for ransom? Sell it to Disney?<\/p>\n

In the loop\/out of the loop <\/strong>\u2013 a handy little phrase meaning you want to be informed about something.<\/p>\n

\"Losing<\/a>

Losing the will to live. Don’t try this at home.<\/p><\/div>Deliverables <\/strong>\u2013 like actionable (see above), this one actually makes me laugh out loud. Something that can be delivered \u2013 an outcome for example, is a \u2018deliverable\u2019. I think it\u2019s amusing because it sounds like dirigible and didgeridoo, which themselves sound like words a toddler would make up. But also because both deliverable and actionable are objectionable nonsense.
\n
\nAnd finally, that most fateful of phrases<\/em><\/p>\n

Going forward <\/strong>\u2013 meaning \u2018in the future\u2019 or \u2018from this point on\u2019. It sounds finite and judgemental and you just know that when your manager says \u2018going forward\u2019, you won\u2019t be discussing the \u2018problem\u2019 again.<\/p>\n

The Apprentice <\/strong><\/em>wannabes are all skilled in the use of this language but as we have seen, most of them seem incapable of brushing their hair, let alone becoming entrepreneurs.<\/p>\n

So, have I missed any of your favourite examples of management speak out? Let\u2019s touch base. Which would you like to add? Keep me in the loop; drop me a line below and going forward I\u2019ll 3000% make it an actionable that we\u2019ll drill down your responses and revisit this topic. That\u2019s a deliverable!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was watching The Apprentice last night when I was reminded that I had been meaning to write this article for a while. Does anyone else find The Apprentice really stressful? All that anger, angst and bitchiness, and lots of people running around like headless chickens without a clue of what to do or how […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-632","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-for-fun"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nManagement Speak<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Ever get tired of listening to management speak? Which are the worst examples? 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