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Happy Mother's Day from Wholesale Clearance UK

Happy Mother’s Day from Wholesale Clearance UK

When I was young, Mother’s Day meant making a card and persuading Dad to cough up some cash for a bunch of pretty daffodils. Mother’s Day always falls close enough to Easter that the pastel mix of flowers, chicks, chintz and chocolate seem perfectly entwined. It must be intentional to have Mother’s Day at the start of spring when animals are at it like… well like rabbits really. Is that where Mother’s Day comes from I wonder? Are we more likely to procreate in March and April? Do more people have children in December and January? I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t be putting those images into your head.

The thing is these days, Mother’s Day is on a par with Valentine’s Day and Christmas. Consumerism has gone mad and we’re bombarded with images on the TV and online to buy, buy, BUY more and more expensive and ridiculous things for Mum.

From “Keep Calm Mum” key rings to other more bland and flowery merchandise, it has been estimated that Mother’s Day is worth a whopping £400m to retailers. On average we spend a modest £20 each on our Mums, largely on toiletries and clothes, but you can find ridiculously priced goodies just by browsing the Sunday supplements. Designer (looks like the cheap copy from Primark and created using similar materials in a sweat shop in India) handbag anyone? Candle forged in wax drawn from rare virgin bees in super-luxurious French laboratory? Or perhaps a scarf made from a Himalayan bat dropping farmer’s nipple hair?
Here’s a list of the worst presents it is possible to give your poor Mum!

A gift set missing a gift!

A gift set missing a gift!

1. Anything that has been re-gifted

By this we mean, someone gave you or your partner a present and you don’t want it so you pass it on. I have a friend who was given a gift set of wash bag and toiletries by her step-son. Lovely except according to the photo on the label, certain items were missing. It turned out his Mum had been given the wash bag for Christmas and wanted the bubblebath but gave the step son the rest to give to his step mum. Nice.

2. A self-help book

Your Mum doesn’t need any improvement – she’s your Mum!!

3. A jar of wrinkle cream

She’s a woman. So she’s not aging. Not as fast as you anyway.

4. Weight Loss Books or Videos

Just don’t go there!

5. Anything with the words, “#1,” “Best,” or “World’s”

An odd one this, but if you buy her something this cheesy and tacky, she MAY wear it or use it on Sunday or she may not. She certainly won’t want to be wearing it after Sunday so it will probably end up in a charity shop or the bin on Monday. Don’t waste your money – buy her something she can use every day of the year. Besides – this kind of gift shows no thought whatsoever.

6. Anything you want yourself

This especially applies if you’re a man. If you want something buy it for yourself. Your wife does not want power tools, golf clubs, kitchen gadgets or an oil change. Seriously.

This is NOT a good Mother's Day gift!

This is NOT a good Mother’s Day gift!

7. Anything that suggests a Mum’s primary purpose is cleaning or cooking

Unless your wife, your Mum or your partner have explicitly said they want something for the kitchen or they need a new Dyson or a state of the art kitchen mop – do not purchase said items for Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day is not about work – it’s about being pampered and spoiled.

8. Pets

Pets are fabulous but they create a lot of work. Refer to point 7 above!

9. Clothes that are the wrong size

Regardless of whether the clothes you buy for Mother’s Day are too large or too small, they will be wrong and that will make Mum feel miserable. You don’t want a miserable Mum.

We don't recommend this. At all Ever.

We don’t recommend this. At all Ever.

10. Botox

What are you implying? She has terrible crow’s feet and needs work? This category would also include liposuction and breast lifts. Those breasts made you what you are today. That makes them bloody awesome the way they are.

11. Shaving kit

You can get all sorts of shaving kits these days – for arms, legs, moustaches etc. It is not wise to draw attention to the fact that Mum has hairs that require removal.

12. Shabby chic

Avoid shabby chic or vintage effect gifts and furniture on Mothe. It’s basically cheap not chic, and it’s made in China, very cheaply and has all the appeal, style and class of vile motormouth Katie Hopkins.

13. A World’s Worst Mum mug

You may not actually get on with your Mum, but don’t resort to this. Remember what she always said, “If you can’t say anything nice, say nothing!”

14. Sex Toys

If you’re a husband buying for Mother’s Day ‘on behalf of’ your young offspring you need to be careful with sex toys.You might find yourself browsing through PlugLust‘s collections during this time. If your partner is up all night looking after a fractious baby or she has tantrum toting tiny tots to run after all day, a desperate reminder that you’d like your dessert may not go down so well.

Lovely but does she want you to waste the money?

Lovely but does she want you to waste the money?

15. Flowers

This is a real case of “you can never win”! If money is tight at home and you spend a small fortune on a bunch of overpriced roses (everyone puts their prices up for Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day – you know this!) then your Mum may well be disappointed. Far better to put the feelers out first and see if there’s something else she would prefer that she wants and/or needs or buy her something she couldn’t afford to buy for herself.

16. Cheap jewellery

Unless you’re under 8 years of age and have made it yourself, buying cheap jewellery is a no-no. It will turn her skin green and besides she would prefer to have something that is the real deal.

17. E cards

You know e-cards? They’re the ones you design online and email. But in a similar category are the actual cards you can design online and send through the post without ever getting out of bed. Nothing says can’t be bothered on Mother’s Day like an online card!

Your turn

If you’re a Mum tell us the best and the worst gift you ever received for Mother’s Day. If you think you’ve bought the worst Mother’s Day gift let us know. Add a comment below or come and join the conversation on Facebook 🙂

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