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Feeling horny? Steven Gerrard gets sent off after 38 secs.

Feeling horny? Steven Gerrard gets sent off after 38 secs.

I’ll admit to being pretty astonished that Steven Gerrard, captain of Liverpool captain was given a red card yesterday, just 38 seconds into Liverpool’s 2-1 defeat by Manchester United. Oopsie!

Gerard came on to the pitch at half time as a substitute but was sent off after he stamped on Ander Herrera, just moments after the Spaniard tackled him. Gerrard will now have to miss three games. Liverpool were already losing 1-0 when Gerrard – in his final game for Liverpool against Manchester United before he joins LA Galaxy – was dismissed by referee Martin Atkinson. The red card was only the sixth in Gerrard’s career.

So, that had me wondering, just for fun what other things have happened very fast?

Fastest Sending Off

Gerrard doesn’t even come close to the record for being sent off. That honour goes to Cross Farm Park Celtic striker Lee Todd, who was sent off just two seconds into a game back in October 2000. Todd got his marching orders when the referee sent him off for foul language. Todd had his back to referee at the beginning of Cross Farm’s Sunday league game against Taunton East Reach Wanderers, when he was surprised by the force with which the whistle was blown for kick-off. “Golly gosh, that was loud,” mumbled Todd politely, and the referee promptly showed him the red card.

The fastest goal

The fastest goal in a football match for example, is disputable. I’ve decided (in my infinite wisdom) the award goes to Marc Burrows. In the match between Cowes Sports Reserves vs. Eastleigh reserves in 2004, Burrows scored a goal in 2.564 seconds. While the match was an amateur match, the record has been recognised by the English FA. According to eye-witness reports, the goal was aided by a particularly strong following wind. The match ended 5-3.

Wholesale Clearance UK bargains are this way!

Wholesale Clearance UK bargains are this way!

The fastest man

The Jamaican sprinter, Usain St. Leo Bolt C.D (born 21 August 1986) is the current holder of the Olympic and world records for the 100 meters at 9.69 seconds. Blink and you’ll miss him! He also holds the record for the 200 meters at 19.30 seconds and, along with his teammates, the 4 ×100 meter relay at 37.10 seconds. All of these records were set during the Beijing Olympics in 2008. Then in 2009 he won the 100m final in a new world record time of 9.58 seconds at the Berlin World Championships. He’s not known as Lightning Bolt for nothing, is he?

The fastest water slide

The fastest water slide in the world is apparently the Insano, which is also the highest at 41 meters – this record is recorded in the Guinness Book of Records (that’s the same height as a 14 storey building). Because of that impressive height and the angle of the slope, the water slide provides a tremendously fast descent. It takes just four to five seconds to come down, travelling at 65mph. See it here.

Fastest Bird

The Peregrine Falcon is a large, crow-sized falcon, with a blue-grey back, barred white underparts, and a black head and “moustache”. It can reach speeds of 200 mph in a dive, making it the fastest animal in the world.

Fastest Divorce

A Dubai man divorced his bride just seconds after marrying her in 2012. He walked out of one court where he had been married and straight into the one next door and divorced his new wife straight away. According to reports when asked by the divorcing judge how long he has been married he answered “just seconds.”

The reason for the divorce was apparently because he was forced by his bride’s father to allow her to keep her job. He had not even received the marriage contract but made the hasty decision. He explained to the clerk in the divorce court that “the bride’s father made a condition that his daughter must keep her job after marriage and that he accepted this condition because he was too embarrassed to say no….he said that he had thought the problem was sorted out with his bride but that she insisted on keeping her job.” So she had to go! How dare she have a job …?

Rudolph Valentino and Jean Acker. I do, followed by a swift I don't.

Rudolph Valentino and Jean Acker. I do, followed by a swift I don’t.

Fastest Hollywood Marriage

The shortest known Hollywood marriage was between screen legend Rudolph Valentino and actress Jean Acker. Valentino and Acker married in 1919 but the bride began to have second thoughts straight away. She immediately locked her new husband out of the honeymoon suite. Valentino knocked on the door for 20 minutes and then gave it up as a bad job and went home. During divorce proceedings, Jean Acker claimed they never consummated their union. Well how could they? The door was a rather obvious barrier.

Fastest selling bargains

Get your trews here!

Get your trews here!

The fastest selling bargains known to man and beast (allegedly) can obviously be found on Wholesale Clearance UK. Take a look here for our latest bargains including this one off jot lot of 22 Pairs of Timberland Chinos (Mens) with straight leg in various colours. Hot hot hot! Here one minute and gone the next.

Hot sellers!

Hot sellers!

Or how about these – a clearance parcel of 100 mixed colour Rimmel London Apocalips Lip Lacqeur with a potential profit of £569.00.

Bright sellers!

Bright sellers!

Or finally these fabulously bright iPhone covers. At just 41 pence to you, you could sell them cheap and make a complete killing!

Over to you

Thanks to Steven Gerrard for suggesting the blog this week! What are your biggest sellers? Would you divorce your husband or wife for wanting to keep their job after marriage? Should women work? Should men work? Should we bring back child chimney sweeps? Would anyone like to hire my dog? What goes fast in your life? Keep it clean and come and talk to us on Facebook or leave a comment below 🙂

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