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What do you think of this Wholesale Clearance UK blog, Jeremy Clarkson?

What do you think of this Wholesale Clearance UK blog, Jeremy Clarkson?

If you find yourself getting irrationally angry every time you’re served fois gras salad instead of piping hot Chateau Briand with potatoes three ways and a side order of minty pea puree (why do mushy peas hold such a fascination for Masterchef contestants anyway?) then you may be from the Jeremy Clarkson school of Strop ‘Ere. The seemingly unrepentant long toothed presenter took a swing (allegedly) at his producer last week when he was offered a cold buffet rather than a hot meal. Whether you’re a fan of Top Gear or not, it’s no way to behave is it, and ‘strikes’ us (sorry) as someone who is letting their emotions rule their head.

With this in mind we decided to look at some anger management tips for Jeremy Clarkson so that the next time he finds himself in the unfortunate position of being in a BBC canteen when the oven has broken down, the offer of yoghurt and a ham and tomato roll won’t force him to embed his knuckles in another unfortunate (and paid a darn sight less than Clarkson) employee’s temple.

Non verbal communication is Jeremy's forte

Non verbal communication is Jeremy’s forte

Jeremy Clarkson’s Top 10 Tips to tame your temper and temper your tantrums

Anger is a normal emotion but when it’s getting out of control you may well need to deal with it. If getting cut up in traffic for example, or overtaken by James May in a vintage Fiat, sets your blood pressure rising it’s time to take some serious action.

1. Think first speak later
The food on offer is cold. This not what you were hoping for and it means that your expectations haven’t been met. You can react in several ways. Punch a producer? (allegedly) or maybe think twice about that, grab a quick bite and then retire to the nearest chippie with Richard Hammond? You can afford it Jeremy. Whaddayasay?

2. Express your annoyance when you’re calm
After you’ve had your saveloy and chips, piping hot and burning your fingers, persuade Richard Hammond and James May to join you at the pub. There you can invest some serious chat in the time honoured tradition variously known as ‘whining’ or ‘bitching’.

Proof that Jeremy likes cold cabbage so what was all the fuss?

Proof that Jeremy likes cold cabbage so what was all the fuss?

According to The Daily Torygraph (16 Jul 2013) ‘Mr’ (their use of the respectful term, not ours) Clarkson was paid “£8.4million for his stake in a joint venture with BBC Worldwide which exploits Top Gear’s global brand, on top of a £4.86million dividend payment.” He is also paid £1million for his salary as a presenter which makes him one of the BBC’s top earning employees.

Quite frankly, Jeremy Clarkson could have hired his own catering company in – to feed the entire production team and crew of Top Gear and it would have been pocket change to him. Or he could have sent out for pizzas for everyone and been hailed a hero.

3. Cut down on the porkline mate and get some exercise
A great stress reliever is to do some sort of aerobic exercise. Sitting on your ample backside in cars day after day and growing your girth only puts you at risk of fatty liver disease. According to the Mayo clinic however, “Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.” Please note Jeremy: This does not include boxing your producer.

4. Take a timeout
A short break can help you prepare yourself to be calm and collected. Sit on the naughty step Jeremy. Your behaviour sucks.

5. Identify possible solutions to the situation making you angry

OK, a cold dinner made you angry. Very angry. But how could you better have resolved the issue? Perhaps you could have warmed the food up by blowing all your hot air over it? Then the rest of the crew and team could have basked in your magnanimity.

6. Stick with ‘I’ statements
The Mayo Clinic advise that you should avoid criticizing or placing blame and that you remain respectful and specific. For example, say, “I’m upset that you only offered me a cold dinner when I’ve been working for the past few hours, and haven’t had anything to eat since my very late breakfast at the local 5* hotel,” instead of, “You complete worm, you’re forcing me to starve.”

I can see you're taking this to heart, Jeremy.

I can see you’re taking this to heart, Jeremy.

7. Don’t hold a grudge
Don’t hang on to that anger and negativity, Jeremy. It’ll follow you around like a dirty skunk smell. Forgive the person that angered you. They are a mere mortal after all, and while they still have a job, they’re not the ones that will walk out of a million pound contract and into a multimillion pound contract on another channel, dishing up more of the same old codswallop that is increasingly ignored. Before long you’ll be on the shopping channel selling used car mats. It happened to Richard and Judy (well almost).

8. Use humour to release the tension
You could try this. Oh no, sorry. We forgot. The only humour Jeremy Clarkson has access to, is the racist (allegedly), superior and smug kind. Sarcasm is no good, Jeremy, it hurts people’s feelings and makes things worse.

9. Practice relaxation skills
Breathe deeply. That way any punch you throw will make more of an impact when it hits its target.

10. Know when to seek help
If your anger is out of control then learn when you need to seek help. You can draw on your friends for support (the half a million or so people who want to see you reinstated on Top Gear for starters and have signed a petition suggesting it’s really OK to go around thumping people) and your mate the Prime Minister. According to The Independent (12th March 2015) Cameron praised Clarkson as a “huge talent” and told BBC Midlands Today he hoped the situation could be resolved so his children would not be left “heartbroken”. Gee. That’s a great reason to have producer beating (allegedly) Clarkson back on TV.

Maccy D's. The sort of food that contains enough toxins to ensure you're aggressive to the end of your days.

Maccy D’s. The sort of food that contains enough toxins to ensure you’re aggressive to the end of your days.

Over to you, petrolheads!

Should Jeremy Clarkson stay or go? Should steak be served rare, medium or well done? With chips and peas or side salad? Who would you like to see replace Clarkson on Top Gear? Should I take up crochet? This and more on our Facebook page or comment below!
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